How would you even begin to describe 2020 to someone? I remember at the start of all this, 'lockdown' was just a rumour then suddenly the Government announced all those that were vulnerable had to start isolating (I was one of those people) then it seemed a few days later everyone was told we were going into a full lockdown. I am vulnerable because I have cerebral palsy, so we got our shopping delivered online and the only time I'd leave the house was to get a bit of fresh air but even then I'd be sure to avoid other people. Mentally I struggled, like everyone else it was hard not seeing our family and friends but also for me it was the worry about catching it, I knew I was vulnerable so I knew there could be complications if I caught it. It was also the stress of keeping everything clean, not that I don't keep my house clean because I do, but I think we all felt the need to be over clean with everything didn't we. I'd even wipe my weekly shop down before I put it away in the cupboards (In fact I still do) everything would be disinfected daily. On top of worrying about me both my parents had to come and stay with me due to illness, they too are both vulnerable so suddenly there were another 2 vulnerable people that I has to try and keep safe. I am glad in a way that they were with me though, with them both being unwell, not being able to help look after them during lockdown would have been incredibly difficult.
We would sit down and watch the Government updates on the pandemic every day and the daily figures were scary and of course that increased my anxiety and at this point there was no way out of this situation, nobody knew anything about it and there was no known treatment. That's never comforting for anyone to hear is it, that there's a deadly virus swarming across the world and our country, killing hundreds of thousands of people and we have no idea how to cure it! that was never going to sit comfortable with anyone.
We would make our way out on our doorstep every Thursday night at 8pm and clap for the NHS. I only live in a small village but nearly everyone came out to clap, cheer, bang their pots and pans and sound their car horns, I found myself often getting quite emotional.
During the lockdown Mum had to briefly go into hospital, again that was hard. We couldn't visit her because of the restrictions (rightly so) but not being able to visit you're loved ones when they need you is heart breaking, the days drag on enough as it is when you're in hospital and not having visitors makes it ten times worse.
Thankfully during the first lockdown we had spring and summer which did at least allow us to sit in our gardens (if you have one) I spent more time than usual in the garden, I even brought some bird feeders so I could sit and watch the birds, we had loads of them and I loved it! I also grew more vegetables and fruit which was lovely, I enjoy growing my own, I feel like I've made something and I think it always tastes better too!
Once lockdown was lifted and the restrictions were eased I still didn't feel safe going out and about. We would perhaps go out for a drive in the car or drive out for fish and chips in the car and watch the sea, I live at the seaside so even that was local for us. My anxiety eased a little as the weeks went on but I have always been aware I am vulnerable and I have vulnerable people at home so I have been very cautious.
Now we are back in lockdown and my anxiety is back and in full swing! The daily figures are beyond scary! I personally think lockdown was the right thing and I do perhaps think it should have been put in place sooner but then I'm not the one making the decisions! The only positive thing is we now have 2 vaccines (3 as I write this article, one has been approved today) The only downside to that is it seems I will have to wait until 'group 6' to get my vaccine and that confuses me a little as I am vulnerable, I know I'm not 'clinically extremely vulnerable' but I am still vulnerable and feel both groups should be vaccinated together but again I'm not the one making the decisions and unfortunately it means those with disabilities and other illnesses will have to isolate for even longer.
I do stay positive, me and my family are all safe and well (so far) and I am blessed to be able to say that. My heart goes out to all those families that have lost loved ones and friends as a direct result of covid and to those that have passed away for other reasons. It's an awful disease and one that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.
All I can say is stay positive, stay strong, there is now light at the end of the tunnel. We have treatments that we didn't have last spring, we now have 2 vaccines being administered and a third vaccine on the way. We will get there. We will be together again, we will see our loved ones again. Brighter days are coming.
Caroline x
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